| Article dans L’Express de Toronto sur Samy (Fr) | Article dans L’Express de Toronto sur Rita (Fr) |
| Family Mediation and The Court System (En) | Mediation, what does it mean? (En) |
Article about Samy Czarny published in the French newspaper L’Express: Le droit et nos droits
Samy Czarny, médiateur
Le droit et nos droits
Par Gérard Lévesque – Semaine du 5 juillet au 11 juillet 2011
Dans la région de Toronto, il y a plusieurs médiateurs d’expression française. Cette semaine, je vous présente Samy Czarny.
Après des études commerciales en Belgique et une carrière en tant que consultant en électronique, Samy Czarny a complété un certificat de résolution de conflits avec le Service communautaire de conflits de Downsview. Il est un médiateur agréé par l’Institut d’arbitrage et de médiation du Canada. Il est accrédité auprès du Programme de médiation obligatoire (litiges civils) du ministère du Procureur général de l’Ontario et est membre de l’Association des juristes d’expression française de l’Ontario (AJEFO).
Un couple de médiateurs
Après avoir complété à la Faculté de sciences sociales de l’Université de Toronto un certificat de médiation familiale thérapeutique, sous l’égide du Dr. Howard Irving, il a joint la pratique privée de sa conjointe Rita Czarny. Ils ont adapté un modèle de co-médiation, disponible en français et en anglais, afin de faciliter des ententes de divorce ou de séparation. Ensemble, ils proposent un modèle de conférence familiale de groupe afin de résoudre des conflits intergénérationnels.
Samy Czarny est candidat à la certification en médiation familiale et, pour cette certification, il achève présentement un stage au bureau d’Aide juridique Ontario du Palais de justice de Brampton. Actif dans le milieu de la justice restauratrice, il est accrédité comme médiateur bénévole en tant que membre du Comité de justice de la jeunesse lequel est rattaché au Palais de justice du 2201 avenue Finch, à Toronto.
Cercles restauratifs
En plus de son expérience dans le milieu des litiges commerciaux, il a facilité des médiations à la Cour des petites créances de Toronto et ce, dans des domaines aussi variés que des ruptures de contrats ou des disputes dans le secteur de la construction et a aidé les participants à explorer des solutions satisfaisantes qu’ils ont ensuite concrétisées en accords à l’amiable.
Il est membre du réseau «Restorative Circle Community» et est le coordonnateur du chapitre de Toronto de ces cercles restauratifs inspirés par le brésilien Dominic Barter. Un cercle restauratif réunit les trois parties affectées par un acte répréhensible: ceux qui ont commis l’acte, ceux dont le bien-être a été principalement affecté, et les membres de la communauté qui ont été indirectement affectés par cet acte.
En utilisant un processus de dialogue qui permet de focaliser l’attention sur les besoins, les participants sont invités à redécouvrir leur capacité à se comprendre l’un l’autre, à tirer les leçons de ce qui s’est passé, et à élaborer un plan dont tous profiteront et qui contribuera à un changement des conditions sociales dans lesquelles le conflit a surgi. Samy Czarny est aussi membre du Centre de communication non violente de Toronto.
Instructeur de yoga… du rire
Dans ses temps libres, il est un instructeur certifié de yoga du rire. Le yoga du rire est une méthode développée par le médecin indien Madan Kataria et son épouse Madhuri Kataria.
Ces exercices sont simples et à la portée de tous, quelles que soient les aptitudes ou les limites physiques, cognitives et sensorielles de chacun. Le yoga du rire repose sur l’énoncé «l’action entraîne l’émotion» et aide à augmenter la production des endorphines, hormones de bonheur produites par le cerveau. Le rire est simulé au départ en tant qu’exercice physique et est pratiqué dans un contexte de groupe mais associé au contact visuel et à une attitude de jeu, il se transforme rapidement en rire réel et contagieux.
Des recherches ont démontré que le corps ne fait pas la différence entre un rire réel ou un rire simulé: les bienfaits physiques et psychologiques sont identiques. Le yoga du rire est pratiqué dans des entreprises et corporations, des centres sportifs, des studios de yoga, des maisons de retraite, des écoles, des lycées, des universités, ainsi que dans des groupes pour les personnes handicapées physiquement ou mentalement ou encore des groupes de soutien pour les personnes combattant le cancer.
Une session de rire est habituellement dirigée par un animateur de yoga du rire ou un professeur qui donne des directives au groupe pour les différents exercices de rire, de respiration et d’assouplissement.
Le médiateur Samy Czarny peut être rejoint au (905) 771-1100; courriel: sczarny@sympatico.ca
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Article about Rite Czarny published in the French newspaper L’Express: Le droit et nos droits
Rita Czarny, médiatrice
Le droit et nos droits
Par Gérard Lévesque
Semaine du 31 mai au 6 juin 2011
Dans la région de Toronto, il y a plusieurs médiateurs d’expression française. Cette semaine, je vous présente Rita Czarny.
Médiatrice professionnelle, Rita Czarny, venue de Bruxelles il y a 30 ans, a adoré étudier, en tant qu’adulte, au campus Glendon pour son Baccalauréat spécialisé en psychologie (avec honneurs).
Elle a complété un Certificat en règlement de différends de l’Université York, en droit de la famille. Elle a traduit et enseigné en français ce même cours et a été membre fondatrice de Dialogue, la première coopérative de médiation communautaire bilingue à Toronto.
Elle a été présidente du Comité des médiateurs familiaux, région de York, et médiatrice à la Cour unifiée de la famille à Newmarket où elle a coordonné le Centre d’information sur le droit de la famille. Elle est accréditée comme médiatrice de la Cour familiale de Hamilton et de la région de Peel.
Médiatrice désignée bilingue à la Commission des services financiers de l’Ontario depuis 10 ans, elle facilite la résolution de conflits entre les personnes qui ont eu un accident de voiture et leur compagnie d’assurance.
Elle pratique également en co-médiation avec son conjoint Samy Czarny. Elle facilite le règlement de conflits intergénérationnels et propose souvent un modèle de conférence familiale de groupe.
Elle est accréditée auprès du Programme de médiation obligatoire (litiges civils) du ministère du Procureur général de l’Ontario et est membre de l’Association des juristes d’expression française de l’Ontario (AJEFO).
Active dans le milieu de la justice restauratrice, elle est bénévole au Centre communautaire de résolution de conflits de Downsview. Elle est accréditée comme médiatrice bilingue par le Comité de justice de la jeunesse qui est rattaché au Palais de justice située au 2201, avenue Finch, à Toronto.
Elle facilite la tenue de conférences de médiation rassemblant, entre autres, des jeunes délinquants, des victimes, des membres des familles impliquées, ainsi que des représentants de la communauté locale, de l’école et de la police.
Elle est médiatrice familiale accréditée par l’Association ontarienne de la médiation familiale, médiatrice agréée de l’Institut d’arbitrage et de médiation du Canada, médiatrice certifiée par l’Institut international de médiation et elle est certifiée en thérapie de la réalité par l’Institut William Glasser.
Elle est présentement candidate à la certification en communication non violente.
Elle a été présidente de son club Toastmasters International ainsi que gouverneure régionale de cet organisme. Elle aime partager avec le public son enthousiasme pour le monde plein de promesses de la médiation. Elle donne aussi des ateliers de communication et de résolution de conflits.
Rita Czarny peut être rejointe au (905) 771-1100; courriel: peacefully_yours@hotmail.com
Family Mediation and The Court System
by Rita Czarny
As family mediator, I would like to add a refreshing perspective in regards to the Unified Family Court system. The good part of the new system is that parents now have an opportunity to be active players in the resolution of their conflicts, instead of having lawyers in control of their future.
My question is: do parents really want their day in court or do they simply want to resolve an unbearable problem? Do they want to fight it out or do they want to work it through?
Let’s not forget that we are talking about the life of individuals who are in pain and struggling to deal with the break-up of what (often but not always) started as a love story. While each of the parent need to move on with their lives, sometimes hating each other to the point of insanity, they have something very precious in common: their children. Each parent has a different viewpoint of the same situation, have great difficulty communicating with each other, and strive on negative energy.
When they start a court action, it is with the vision of speedily getting a judgement in their favour, to proclaim that there are right and that the other one is wrong. Following that, they hope the judge will make the opposing parent do what they where trying to force without success and from there on, life will be perfect.
Reality may not be so easy. Let’s look at the human aspect of the experience. Remember, each of the parent thinks that they have the only valid view of the situation and their solution is the only rightly one. When they do finally get their day in court, sometimes after years of expensive and exhausting war, one parent will be a winner, and the other will be the angry looser. And they go on with their miscommunication, their hostility, and their feeling of helplessness. Oh, and I forgot the children… I mean, they have forgotten that this was all about the children. For one, it was not an easy process, certainly not a fast one. The future relationship does not promise to be peaceful, and the controversial process has increased the tension level. The children still need, more than ever, the reassurance of love of both, their dad, and their mom, as well as a continual contact (in most cases) with them. They deal better with the situation when there is no conflict.
A fresh perspective: 
What if there was an process allowing for two winners, two satisfied people? What about a process that respects each parent’s viewpoint, their needs and their humanness, and where these parents could sit down together to design their own agreement? An agreement both of them would qualify as being fair for them and for the kids, within the really of their very personal circumstances?
Mediation is such a forum which promotes the effective communication and better understanding of each other’s needs and interests. Because each of the parents is active in the creation of the agreement, they are more likely to adhere to it than if it is imposed on them. The mediator controls the process, and insures the positive energy, while all decisions remain in the hand of each parent. The best part is that the mediator does not make any judgements on who is right or wrong, but works with both perspectives and help them hear and understand each other in a respectful environment. And if both are truly willing to resolve the issue in this forum, they will eventually come to an agreement which considers the needs and interests of all involved.
Of course, it is crucial for each of the parent to have their own legal counsel before the process, and certainly before signing any agreement. They must know their rights and obligations, but ultimately, they are the one who will live with the terms of the agreement. They may seek further professional advice when applicable.
Mediation is thus an alternative the Attorney General implemented to the new Unified Family Court in order for parents to be empowered, to have a chance to control their own situation, their own decisions, their future, and their children’s lives. One added benefit of the mediation process is that they will learn how to communicate constructively and this skill will go a long way in their many unavoidable interactions around the children’s issues. And at the end, they will lessen the stress on the children and be a role model on resolving conflicts instead of using their innocent children as weapons. Mediation is thus a constructive process that is well worth considering and evaluating before rejecting it. Under the Divorce Act, lawyers have the duty to inform their clients about this option.
What if they do not reach an agreement? Then, they still have access to the court proceedings. Even if they reach an agreement only on some of the issues, they still can get their day in court for the unresolved issues. And of course, mediation is not the ideal process for every situation, and may even be contraindicated in some cases. The legal process may indeed be the best solution in these cases. Further, mediation is a voluntary process, and therefore, works only with willing parties.
So my question still remains: When will the human beings, struggling with their crises, feel better:
- After their day in court where their lawyers did fight it out?
or
- After mediation where they had the opportunity to work it through, understand the problem better, and based on their new awareness of the problems, control the planning of their own future?
Mediation… What does it mean?
by Rita and Samy Czarny
No clear picture comes to mind, really…… You have a vague idea, but specifically, no, it is not part of your everyday language. If you think about it some more, you know you have heard of labour mediation. Thinking a bit further, you even may wonder if Jimmy Carter was not playing the role of the mediator involved in the Camp David Accords Yes, he was, but now you wonder, what does this have to do with me ? You are not personally in war, and you are not on the verge of a strike.
On another hand, right here, at home, which is supposed to be your safe retreat from the world, you have this ongoing issue with your teenagers, it is not war, but it is bothering you enough that you spend more energy on it than you really want to. Mind you, with all that time and energy spent, you have not found the approach that will solve the problem. You have tried being friendly and tolerant, and you have tried being tough and demanding. The issue is still there, it even seems to get of out hands. And by now, you are worried and exhausted….
And you also argue continuously with your siblings about what the best living arrangement would be for your parents whose health and independence are failing them. You all mean well and want the best, but you each have another vision of what the best means. And these disputes really weigh you down. Instead of finding support from each others when you most need it, you are now worried and angry ….
Mediation ? How would it help ? You do not need a lawyer and do not want a therapist. You could use, however, a peaceful process to work out a creative arrangement which could leave you all feeling better. At least it’s good to know that you have other options than fighting with each other.
Once each person involved in the dispute agrees to mediation (it is a voluntary process, after all, and confidential, for added comfort), you select and then meet, each of you individually, with the mediator. You can then ask all your questions, see if you like the mediator, and explain the situation as you see it. The next step is the mediation session. Everyone involved in the dispute will sit together with the mediator “at the table”, and literally work in concert at expressing and truly hearing each point of view. And, yes, while it is certainly not easy, you will even experiment with putting yourself in the other one’s shoes….. You will also decide what is important to each of you, what the issues are (they are often different from the presenting ones, or are the result of deeper relationship problems), and, in tune with your feelings, you will design your own solutions where everyone will have at least some of what they need. The mediator will guide the process, but the responsibility for making decisions belongs to the people facing the problem. The mediator, a neutral outsider brought in for the purpose of resolving your conflict, will not judge you or take side, but will ensure that the environment is respectful, that the communication remains constructive, and will check with each of you to make sure you agree only with what makes sense for you.
Indeed, you are the ones who will have to live with the resolution you have reached. Research also suggests that when you are actively part of the decision making, you all are more likely going to stick to the arrangement rather than to one imposed on you. One crucial factor is that there will be no loser, the very essence of mediation is to find an outcome where all of you end up with what you perceive is fair. And even if you agree, at the end, that there are irreconcilable differences, you will have gained a better understanding on the situation, which will allow you to deal with each other in a much more informed way in the future.
You see, the future is really what matters; you can not change the past, no matter how long you dwell on it. You can learn from it, and learn to deal positively with it. Sometimes saying you are sorry, or taking the opportunity of the mediation session to express your deep hurt can move everyone involved to look toward the future. And most importantly, it will pave the way to true communication with those you care the most about.
The concept of mediation is certainly not new; the native population have a lot to teach us about resolving conflict in communities. Our modern society is only starting to integrate the concept of mediation into the resolution of our everyday disputes.
For instance, do you know that family mediation is available in many family Courts to ease the pain of separation and divorce? It is indeed an option offered to parents who have difficulties separating the end of their roles as spouses from the continuing one of being a parent. Again, they both want to spare the children from hurt, but their hostility towards each other continues to do damage. And they may as well accept the fact, they will have to communicate for quite a long time, as long as the children are children. The mediator can help them design a parenting plan focused on the best interest of their children, while respecting the parents’ new needs during this time of change and beyond.
Another inspiring model of mediation is the one between victim and offender. After a long preparation, victim and offender have a chance, if they so choose, to meet face to face, and deal with the crime. The victim speaks about the impact of the crime on his or her life, has the opportunity to ask all questions they need answers to (i.e. : Why me? Do I have to fear for my future?…) , and the offender can explain what happened in their point of view, and crucially, will take responsibility for what they did. Together, they will decide what is needed for reparation. It is hard to conceptualise, but a healing transformation often occurs. The offender sees his or her action rejected, but the human being is given another chance, changed through new awareness …. It is not easy to face the person you have hurt. And that person is not revictimized as often occurs in the Court process. Their painful experience is acknowledged. They have their say on what needs to be done to make it more bearable. And lets not forget, they may gain the ability to move on with their lives, instead of being a prisoner of their own legitimate but destructive anger.
Another example of how mediation is opening new doors is its use in court settings. If you are being sued, for one reason or another, or if you see no other option than suing someone you have a serious disagreement with, a three hour mediation may be mandated as part of a pilot program by the Civil Court. The purpose is to free the Court from the adversarial process which is often long, expensive, and painful. Mediation offers a mode of collaboration where a win-win resolution of a concrete conflict can provide greater satisfaction as you keep total control of the outcome. Should the mediation fail, you keep the option of resuming the court action where you have left it. You have thus lost nothing in trying mediation.
You may want to consider the concept of mediation for resolving some of the conflicts in your life. After all, if mediating the overwhelming, deep rooted conflicts between Israelis and Egyptians (a very complex conflict which reaches well in the past beyond the living generations and has implications well beyond the playing negotiators) is fruitful, then, there is hope for your own interrelations in your family. There may well be more creative options to your problems than you first thought. You may decide that it is well worth exploring what this peaceful way of dealing with conflicts can do for you. You may find that your picture of your home being an oasis is attainable with only a few mediation sessions. OK, let’s be realistic, maybe your home will not resemble an oasis, but it could well become the boat which will leads you there.
Helping you have this conversation you need to have.
Connecting with each other is a basic human need. How do we connect? We communicate. Communication is sometimes subtle, often physical, and most basically if not most importantly, verbal.
Isn’t bizarre that we never learned in our classrooms such basic aspect of connection among individuals? We spent 12 years in school learning about life, and never, ever, do we receive a lesson on how to communicate with each others.
Well, we can not change the past, but we can make our present more fulfilling as a society. And it is through sincere communication that we can touch each other at a meaningful level.
And this is where we come into play. To help you communicate, help you have this conversation you are not able to have on your own, but badly need to have in order to move on with your partnerships.
We happen to be very experienced mediators, and we believe that we make a difference in people’s lives and enterprises. Indeed, we have made a difference in many communities and associations
Two mindful mediators.
2 Mindful Mediators 